


sex is bliss

by ironicshibe



Category: Matt Watson - Fandom, Ryan Magee - Fandom, Ryatt, nothingbutlag, supermega, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Drinking, Drugs, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-10-05 03:22:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20482022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironicshibe/pseuds/ironicshibe
Summary: ryan has a blissful dream about his best friend matt.while trying to deal with new emotions, things get tangled up.





	1. ocean waves in my bedroom: i wave back

**Author's Note:**

> as a stylist choice, i am adding no caps with formatting i thought would best fit this story. or i did it wrong unintentionally but will claim it’s a stylistic choice. 
> 
> some tw: smut, depression, drugs/alcohol 
> 
> tangled up - old news

ryan’s pov

i sit at my desk hopelessly trying to write a script for a new live-action video. it's late at night, the dark skies making my blue ink writing nearly impossible to read.

i sigh and rip out the paper from my torn up notebook that i've just attempted (and failed) to write. i think i've hit some sort of artist's block. a pile of crumbled up papers in my trashcan begin to rise. i put my head on my desk and close my eyes, when interrupted by the sound of a knock.

"hey, it's matt." a gentle voice says from the other side of the door.

"come in." i speak softly.

all while lifting my head from the cold surface.

he opens my door to discover my current state. matt gives me a sympathetic look. he is wearing a tiny black thrifted shirt, along with a pair of small and tight athletic shorts. i guess he didn't want to wear properly fitting clothes tonight.

whatever. he can wear what he wants, it's not like im offended by his fashion choices. his form fitting clothes makes me feel strange however. it's not something i can describe, but i just feel different.

"are you okay, ry?"

he crosses his angular arms as i shrug my tense shoulders.

matt stares with the same intensity as my blades for a little too long. to put it bluntly, i feel weird. not weirded out, or even necessarily uncomfortable, just weird.

he proceeds to gives me alook i haven't seen before. spread across his ruby face. is he blushing?

i mean, it's not bad? it's kind of cute in some fucked up way. this is just all so new, and i'm oddly intrigued.

he bites his lip carefully as he gets closer to me. he looks at me with questioning eyes.

i give the same eyes back. staring into his, wondering where this will head. he caresses my face, and now i blush in response.

he abruptly sits in my lap facing towards me. my computer chair squeaks and i make a similar noise.

he puts his red cheek on my relaxed shoulder, and wraps his arms around me.

before i can properly process what's happening he asks me,

“does this make you feel better, ryan?"

i don't know how to respond. so instead i just hug him back. our embrace gets more intense the longer we hug. everything feels so warm and cozy. and like, right? like it's suppose to be this way.

we stay there a while, until he starts to kiss at my neck. he does it softly at first, giving my sensitive neck small pecks. he gives me time to push him away if i don't want this. and while everything is happening so fast, i don't necessarily want it to stop.

he starts kissing my neck more rough eventually. sucking, and biting. he kisses from the bottom of my neck to the top, and places kisses on my chin and the side of my face.

he plants his soft lips onto mine and grinds against my crotch, while i attempt to stifle a moan. i end up letting out an "a-ah fuck".

i can feel matt smile as we kiss. he kisses me harder and grabs the ends of my shirt. he traces his long fingers under the fabric and pulls it over my head. i take matt’s shirt off and i stare at his newly exposed body.

his skinny bare chest makes me feel certain ways, that it hasn't before. he places his hand on my chest and almost painfully, slowly, rubs it down to my crotch. he moves his hand in a forward, backwards motion.

“does that feel good, ry?"

"yes f-fuck. matt, it feels so good."

i also take a mental note how hot it is to hear matt call me ‘ry’ in this situation. his bulge is now clearly visible through his tight shorts.

he continues to grind onto me until he takes his delicate hands and pulls down my pajama pants.

i kiss him on the the shoulder, sweetly. the kiss seemed so innocent, contrasting with what we're actually doing. i pull his already soaked shorts down to reveal his hard member. he moans in response.

"you're so fucking hot, ryy."

“oh fuck" i moan.

“matt, you're really hot too."

“can we move from your epic gamer chair?” he glowingly giggles.

i pick the light-weight boy up and move from my to my bed. he leans into me and whispers in my ear.

“i need you, baby. please." holy shit. i could cum to just that.

he begins to he pull my boxers down when-

...what?

what is happening?

where am i?

am i awake?

why is everything pitch blue?

i look at my comforting hand to prove i am me.

it’s all i can see in the swirling ocean in my room.

my hand drips blue ink, into the never less sea.

i “seemingly" wake up in my bed.

i can't decipher what's reality. okay, what the actual fuck. i spend a good five minutes trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. i check my surroundings. i'm in my room. i notice how badly i'm sweating. i'm confused. and it's still dark out.

wait- was it really just a fucking dream?

no, it can't be. it was too fucking real. i'm convinced the universe is just fucking with me. it had to be real, because if it wasn't real, where does that leave my relationship with matt? if the feeling isn't mutual what the fuck am i suppose to do? i lift my comforter to see i made a mess...down there. i guess it really was a dream.

fuck, this sucks. a lot.

"fucking fantastic”

i think and get up to clean myself off. do i have a crush on matt? okay, breathe. i need to calm down and think rationally here. people have wet dreams about random people, right? people they wouldn't actually have sex with in a million years. i'm sure it means nothing. but it felt so real.

and now that i think about it when you have a wet dream with someone you don't like, your immediate reaction should how absurd it was. but that's not my current stance on the situation. i wouldn't find it that wild of a concept to be put into action.

my heart is beating so fast, i start taking short breaths. am i seriously having a fucking panic attack over this right now? i decided to not press it further, for my own sake. i go back to bed. just don't think about it. it's that easy. but unfortunately it's not, and i toss and turn until i can't take the loud thoughts in my head anymore. i decide my best option is to chug a pill bottle of gummy melatonin.


	2. honey flavored coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graduating life - wonderful

> _“I wake up in a dirty bed_  
_With my neck half-crooked_  
_Makeshift pillow underneath my head_  
_I need clean healthy oxygen_  
_And I don’t have any feelings running through my head”_

i hear the moon sing. 

nope, not the moon. just my phone speaker. although i think that’s a healthy indication to stay in bed all day and wallow in my self-misery. 

i find myself just as confused and sexually frustrated as ever. and not to mention exhausted. none of my feelings have magically gone away with sleep.

i finally get up and decide go to take a shower.

the door is slightly open as i push it further.

"AH! DUDE!"

a half-naked matt yells. his hair is wet as he desperately tries to cover himself with a towel.

"fuck. i'm so sorry. i uh-."

i turn around and close the door. this is the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen to me. why couldn't he just close the door entirely?

i try so, so fucking desperately hard not to think about matt’s perfect shirtless body. his hair dripping, causing tiny droplets to form on his shoulders and chest. i didn't hate looking at him. actually, i feel the exact fucking opposite. no! this can't be happening.

i run to my room and slam my door.

iface-plant into my bed. i pull the covers over me and hope for no one ever talks to me again. can i please stay here forever? that would be preferred, thanks. i end up falling asleep again. it felt like it was an eternity that i was unconscious. i slept everything away. all of my emotions and everything that just occurred, this "matt situation". it's all just black now. maybe if i never wake up, i don't ever have to deal with my feelings.

that is until, a voice starts to semi-shout at me,

"ryan get up fucker, it's like 4pm, we had plans!” 

his voice sounded drained and hurt. 

ugh so, apparently i can't sleep forever, and i have to actually handle my feelings. fucking fantastic. fuck this bullshit.

"ry, you're making me kind of scared, please just wake up."

he says a lot more gently, concern throughout his voice as he shakes me lightly. i take pleasure in his hands touching my body which makes me finally react. i open my eyes slowly and i let out a harsh sigh. i just wanted to not exist. is that really that hard to ask for?

matt takes off my comforter and i'm immediately super relieved i cleaned myself off last night. that would be truly horrific if i didn't. my eyes tries to get adjusted to the light.

"hey. good morning."

his voice sounds like honey.

"mhmm." i say with little to no energy.

a drop honey in a pool of bitter coffee. 

he gets on my bed as i sit up.

"are you okay, ry?"

holy shit, no fucking way! that's exactly what he said in the dream. un-fucking-believable. i don't respond. i mean, how what am i suppose to say? that i'm fine? because i'm clearly not. i feel like complete and utter shit.

"are you like, mad at me or something? is there something did?"

now i genuinely feel bad.

"you didn't do anything wrong, matt. i just need some space right now."

he pouts his lips and gives a sadden expression.

"i understand, but we were gonna get coffee and go see a movie soon, do you not want to go anymore? it's okay if you don't."

"fuck, listen."

i put my face into my hands and pause to think.

"i will be fine, we can still go. just, let me get ready and everything."

"are you sure?"

"yes, i'm sure."

the bright boy leans towards me and touches my shoulder, and i fucking flinch. i hate me, the dull boy. i can tell his angelic blue eyes are getting watery. 

"shit, i'm sorry i'm being so weird. i promise i will be fine in a little bit."

"you promise?"

"promise."

matt gets up and right before he leaves my room, he gives me another unhappy look.

i go take an unreasonably hot shower, then brush my teeth and get changed. i put on my glasses and go to the living room.

"i like your outfit."

matt says referring to my black and gray hoodie and dark colored jeans. my face reddens and i try to stutter the compliment back. he beams, looking amused.

"did you still want to get coffee first?"

"uh, yeah sure."

i noticeably start having trouble breathing making it more apparent how worried he really is.

"hey, everything is fine. i just had a nightmare that really fucked me up."

although i wouldn't classify it as a nightmare.

waking up was the nightmare.

life, now that's the fucking nightmare.

he gets up and hesitantly asks,

"is it okay if i give you a hug?"

i debate my response and nod hesitantly too.

his comforting arms wraps around my waist and sets his chin on my shoulder while swaying. i wait a while before hugging back, trying to ignore my painfully obvious red face. i can't describe how amazing this hug feels. i could quite literally melt into his arms. matt lets go and i feel a little sad. i make a quiet audible whine that i hope he didn't hear.

"ready?"


	3. don’t smoke cigs

i nod my head as he walks out the door.

when i follow him, i notice the white snow planted all over the ground.

he starts smoking a cigarette. i take out my lighter and cigs that i always have on me and light it.

it’s my fault matt started this disgusting habit. i didn’t intend to. i hope he knows that. 

i take a deep inhale of the dangerous smoke.

i look over at matt who is doing the same thing as me. he is wearing a white sweater with black stripes, a black heavy jacket, along with a gray scarf with blue and white stripes, paired with maroon colored gloves and high waisted light-wash blue jeans. the lightness of the ground makes all of his features stand out even more.

i almost gasp at the sight of him.

he is the most beautiful person i've ever met.

”i’m s-sorry i made you smoke.” i stumble and almost choke.

he flutters his eyelashes.

”wha? ry, no. it’s not your fault at all. i know it’s bad, and expensive. okay?” 

he trails off as my mind trails off too.

fuck, this is bad. it's so much worse than i thought it was. have i always had these feelings? why are they just surfacing now? and so quickly too? i shouldn't be having these thoughts. i have no chance, why am i getting my hopes up? he won't ever like me like that. i wish i was back in my dream. away from reality.

he notices my staring and lightly pushes my shoulder. my face gets super heated.

“did you hear me?”

“i...um...no.”

“i said promise me you won’t blame yourself for my smoking.”

he says as he puts out his cigarette on the ashtray, and i do the same.

”yeah, i suppose.” 

he pouts again, a minimal feature i can’t resist to notice.

he shakes his hand unconsciously. probably indicating he wants to touch me again. i want to touch him too. 

who am i kidding? i’m just stressing him out. never mind.

”hmph. can we go to the car?” he sighs out.

im making him sad. i’m the worst. 

i follow him to the car and he gets in the driver's seat, fully blasting music.

"ignorant sex is bliss

fake it through my innocence

no consequence with no commitment

friends with all the benefits"

matt sings out as we drive. i feel so uncomfortable right now. his voice is so gentle and innocent conflicting with the lyrics.

he turns the loud music down after the song is finished.

"old news slaps!” 

he cheerily says.

i nod with a blank face as he gives a small smile.

i want to tell him i appreciate him playing one of my favorite bands.

i want to tell him he has a great voice too. but i just remain silent, and just get more frustrated with myself and this whole situation. why am i such a pussy? wait, am i really assuming i'm anything but pathetic, AND that he would even want to hear my horrid attempts at flirting?

he rolls down the car window and lights up

another smoke. i do the same. i don't like how many cigarettes i smoke in a day, but do i really care? right now, i could give less of a fuck about it.

"so." his pink lips huffs out.

i wonder if his lips are soft as they appear. 

too bad i’ll never get the chance, 

his breath smells like cigarettes, coffee, and mint. how much coffee does this man drink?

"do you want to talk about your nightmare?"

"no, not really."

matt’s corners of his mouth turn down.

"well, that's okay. i understand. i'm here if you ever want to talk though."

"thanks."

he doesn't understand though. there's no way he could comprehend my feelings towards him. there's also no way i could ever talk to him about this. i'm not mad at him for saying this, i know he's just trying to be nice, but i still get irritated with everything.

he stays silent but i can tell he wants to say more by his impatient taps on the steering wheel with the tips of his long fingers. i think back to his long fingers touching my skin in my dream. fuck! i want to tear my hair out. i sigh louder than i expected and rest my head on the window.

im already finished with my cig, fuck that was too fast. matt fixates his eyes on me for a moment and i decide avoiding looking at him is my best option right now. i cross my arms and shut my eyelids tightly, arriving at the coffee shop right after matt finishes his cig. my whole body is so tense my it's slightly shaking.

"ry." he says distressed.

"i'm really really worried about you."

i open my eyes the same time matt places his hand on my knee. i enjoy it at first until i realize that what's happening and i almost choke, again. 

why, why, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? does he find this humorous? is he even aware how this makes me feel? is he just trying to make me feel better? UGH! i'm on the verge of tears as i say

"please, matt. just stop."

"o-oh. i'm sorry." he removes his hand.

i hate how my knee feels without him. i hate how disheartened he sounds. why is everything so confusing?

there's a long awkward while before we get out of his car and walk towards the old looking building. i wait outside and smoke again while matt orders our coffee. i walk in and try to find a place to sit. i end up sitting towards the back.

hmm...well, y'know, this is kind of like, a coffee date right? i start thinking. like, i know of course it's not a date date but it's pretty damn close.

i could get use to fantasizing about this. i try to hold back a smile, unable to do so. but how can i not get giddy about this.

oh my god, i want to take matt on more dates. to the park, we have a picnic, and he wears those cute black overalls, and we eat yummy foods. the sun makes his skin glow. i touch his radiant skin and kiss him, both of us glowing now. maybe i could even take him to a really fancy restaurant. i surprise him by just tell him to dress nice. he wears a button-up and tight jeans. he is so beautiful. i pay for our dinner and he blushes.

"this was expensive, you didn't have to do this". but i don't mind. i would quite literally do anything for my boy. i love how that sounds. my boy. matt is mine.

eruptively, he sits down with two coffee cups and i get sent back to reality.

i try my best to keep my face a normal color.

when while sitting down, his leg accidentally brushes up against mine making my face even more red. i feel sparks going through my body. i quickly move my leg so it isn't touching him anymore. he probably wouldn't want to touch me anyways. i don't have a chance.

matt gives another sadden expression towards me, and i place (or basically slam) my head in my arms on the table. i feel really bad but i can't tell him what's actually wrong with me. we try to have a conversation but i can't focus on anything. i clench my fists and look down at my coffee cup. i'm halfway through with it. everything sucks, and seems pointless.

"hey matt, can we just go home? i don't feel great right now."

"of course. yeah, i understand-"

i start getting tired of him saying he understands and snap back,

"stop staying you understand, you don't understand. you could never understand."

i immediately regret speaking.

"fuck, matt, wait. i'm sorry."

he understandably gets up and leaves before i can finish my apology. i want to scream.

we head home in silence until con conveys his current emotional state.

"why would you say i don't understand? you know i would do anything for you. you're my best friend. why are you being such a dick?"

"oh, i'm the one being a dick? that's rich."

i feel almost certain at this point he is messing with my feelings intentionally.

"what am i doing wrong, ryan?"

he slams his fist against the steering wheel.

i don't respond, and i know i'm making things awkward. i know i'm making matt feel bad. fuck, he's right. i am a dick.


	4. hulu and cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soft fluff with the boys

as soon as i get home i head straight to bed.

i sleep until 6am, til i get awaked by the sound of matt speaking wearying, standing inside my doorframe.

"ry?"

i turn around to reveal a sad boy wearing an oversized white t-shirt without pants. it's obvious he just rolled out of bed. but his eye bags under his eyes indicates he hasn't slept much.

"i'm so sorry, did i wake you up?"

it's six in the morning, did he expect me to be awake? actually wait, yes that is completely reasonable.

i keep that to myself and instead say,

"i slept too much already, it's fine."

which is still true.

"ry i n-need to talk to you."

his voice is chocked up. his eyes are watery. i stand up from my messy bed and get very concerned.

"are you okay? what's wrong?"

"why are you mad at me?"

"i'm not mad at you wh-"

matt wraps his arms around me and sobs.

“then why are things so weird with us? why are you acting like you hate me? ryan, why do you hate me?"

he repeats and cries. he's so warm around me i feel like i'm floating.

i don't hug back right away making him cry more, and he impatiently balls up his fists and pounds on my chest.

it's not hard at all, but it lets me know how frustrated he is.

i'm so scared of my feelings. why am i like this?

"ryan” he whines out.

i finally wrap my arms around his tiny frame, rubbing his back gently.

"i don't hate you. i could never hate you. you didn't do anything wrong. i'm so sorry. matt, i'm sorry."

we stay hugging for a long time. this is the longest i've hugged matt. he hugs tighter, making the embrace something that's only happened in my dream.

he finally tries to pull away, reluctantly, and pull him back in. he makes a small noise and smiles. i kiss his fluffy hair on top of his head multiple times.

i never want to stop kissing his hair. i once again, am self-aware how confusing i've been acting towards him.

finally, we pull apart and i hold his shoulders. his face is covered in tears and snot but, he's just as beautiful as ever. i wipe his tears and kiss him on his cheek without thinking. when i pull back matt’s face is red.

i blush too.

he looks so cute when he's flustered. he places his hand on the spot i kissed him.

“do you forgive me?"

"of course, ryan."

"you promise?"

"promise."

i pull him into another long and tight squeeze. after we pull away, there's a moment of silence where matt debates if he should leave or not.

before he can turn around and i grab his hand.

"wait, matt please."

"huh?"

"just...um stay here a little longer."

i realize i'm still holding his hand but i don't let go right away. i sit down on my bed, still connected to his warm fingers as i pat the spot next to me with my other hand. matt raises an eyebrow through his red face and sits by me.

"we can watch tv or something."

i suggest and eventually release his comforting hand and to my surprise, matt places it back into mine. he nods his head as i pull up hulu.

i fully lay down and matt does the same soon after. the lights are already out, but i can still see his pleasant face from the light coming from my tv.

i can even hear his soft breathing over the show. after a while i feel something on my shoulder, it's my boy. 

well, not my boy. but, oh shut the fuck up whatever.

i lean my head against him back, his hair is so soft on my skin.

i don't know long it was but at some point i hear matt’s breathing slow down and eventually drift off to sleep.

i gently take matt and lay him on my pillow in a more comfortable position to sleep.

i sharply inhale.

i hesitantly slide my hand under his arm. he doesn't reject it, and instead continues to sleep soundlessly.

well, i think he is slumbering.

until i feel him place his hand over mine, which is attached to his hip.

when i wake up the next morning, matt is still sleeping in my arms.

although now he is facing towards me. i stare at him for a while until his eyes slowly flutter open.

"good morning." i say

matt wraps his arms around me.

"i don't wanna wake up." he whines out, mumbling in my shirt.

i laugh and kiss his head.

all of this affection is confusing. i'm not sure if this means he likes me like that. i mean, maybe he just wants to be friends still? i think it's too soon to even think about that right now.

he nuzzles his face into my neck.

"you're so adorable." i say.

"you're adorable too."

he says into me and i scoff.

“that's undoubtedly incorrect."

matt sits up sleepily and looks into my eyes.

"first of all, beauty is subjective. so saying that is undoubtedly incorrect. and it is true! you're very very cute."

he presses his index finger on my chest every "very" to emphasize his point.

he then rests his hand on my chest.

“do you really think that?"

"what? why wouldn't i? i've always thought you were attractive."

he crosses his arms, and i instantly miss the warmth from matt’s hand.

"are you serious? i'm just shocked."

“why?"

"well, i don't know. i've always thought you were too attractive to think of me that way."

“ryan, what are you talking about? you are so cute. your soft long hair, your beautiful brown hair. i love it.” 

he grabs my hand, interlocking it. my face is so red the heat is radiating from my cheeks.

“i...luh, um i..” 

i suddenly start feeling overwhelmed by everything. i mean, what if this is all some sick joke? what if he is just messing with me? what is wrong with him? what is wrong with me? 

i apologize and quickly leave my room. i go out to smoke a cigarette while jackson comes out.

"whoa dude, you don't look so good. everything okay?"

i imagine my face is ghostly pale.

“just smoked to many cigs."

i say after taking a big inhale.

”well smoking more will make you feel better.”

jackson rolls his eyes.

“do you want to talk about it?"

i once again remain silent and continue smoking.

"is it about matt?" my face turns red.

"w-why would you think that?"

"i don't know, things just seem different between you too."

"nothing is different between us."

i say and look down sadly.

"alright well, it's obvious you don't want to talk about it. so, you wanna forget about it and get high at harrison’s instead?"

"how else would i cope with emotions?” 

“very healthy way of thinking, ryan. nice.” 

we go back inside to get ready.


	5. weed really be like that sometimes

matt has already moved out of my room and is drinking coffee at the table.

i try to move past my feelings and him. but he notices me.

“hey, ry."

he says while touching my arm.

"hi."

"are you doing anything today?"

he starts rubbing my arm in small circles.

"uh yeah. jackson and i are going to harrison’s."

"hell yeah! that's cool."

"y-yeah." there's a while of silence when matt softly says

"oh."

his smile turns into a frown, realizing i haven't invited him yet.

i hate when he's sad. the whole point of going to harrison’s was to try to forget about my feelings towards him.

but i don't care, and instead sit by him and place my hand over his.

“you are more than welcome to come matt."

"are you sure? i don't want to ruin anything."

i pet his hair and leave a kiss on his neck.

"matt, you wouldn't ruin anything. please please come.

your presence will never ruin anything. don’t ever think that.

the only thing you’ve ruined is my love for spaltoon.”

”i didn’t mean it like that!” 

his face lightens up from excitement at first. then blushing from embarrassment.

“you totally did, weirdo.”

he pushes me. 

“take it back, i didn’t know! i was just kidding too. and i was referencing my friend who was into...that stuff.” 

“you just made two lies and one excuse bitch.”

“well, i’m not into it now! and i was kidding. i told you to never bring that up again. that was so long ago.” 

“okay, okay. i’m genuinely sorry.

that you jerked off to splatoon porn.”

”HEY!”

”I SAID JERKED! PAST-TENSE!” 

he grabs onto my shirt collar pulling my face right by his.

”i said take it back.” 

he whispers seriously.

”you aren’t very good at being intimidating.” 

he remains to hold onto my shirt for dear life.

“ryan...” 

“matthew.” 

he pecks me on the lips shortly. 

his lips are softer than i could have ever dreamed.

”i-i”

“you take it back?” 

“yes. i take it back.” 

"i'm gonna go take a shower, get ready too."

matt hesitantly lets go of me, as i stand up.

he stands up too, and before i can leave he gives me a big hug.

i melt into his arms once again.

i hear jackson walking. i let go suddenly and head to the shower.

in there, i can't help but to think. i'm really not trying to play with his feelings. i know how delicate he is. i'm just so confused. i shouldn't feel this way to my best friend, AND my co-worker.

he is just so cute, and soft. i start thinking about how it would feel to really make out.

i take off his shirt to reveal his chest, like in real life this time, not a dream.

i want to kiss him everywhere. oh god, i look down to notice i'm hard.

this is the worst. i quietly try to relief myself. to my climax i desperately whisper matt’s name.

there's no way in hell he heard that right?

i clean myself off and finish getting ready.

i exit the bathroom and head to my room.

i put on my pants and socks when i get a snapchat from matt.

i open it to reveal a half naked mirror pic. 

he is smiling so innocently, like he is clueless to how much this kills me.

he has a gray towel wrapped around his waist.

do i send one back? fuck, i guess.

i take a picture in front of my mirror, also without my shirt.

my hair is still wet and i cover my face with my phone.

i hold my breath and send it. i get a response almost immediately.

it's his soft face with a a caption. "everything about that picture is great except i can't see ur cute face ;)"

fuck. i send a picture back, my face obviously red.

"that's much better cutie ❤️"

he sends another picture, this time his body much more revealing.

it takes everything in me not to screenshot it. i hear the shower water running, indicating he won't respond to his phone anymore. once everyone is ready, we go into jackson’s car.

usually, one of us would sit in the passenger seat by jackson and one of us would sit in the back.

but, this isn’t usually.

i just can't not be by matt right now. i'm sure this causes more suspicion for jackson.

but i still press my leg against matt’s as he does the same for me.

i'm sure it isn't that noticeable, right? anyways, we drive and blast music, but don't say much. i keep looking back to the beautiful boy, noticing he would give a small smile while blushing.

we finally reach harrison’s house and get out. he greets us at the door.

"y'all ready to get lit?"

"god, that's one of the worst things i've ever heard to say." matt says.

we go inside to the living room to reveal a 6 pack of beer, vodka, rum, and a bong with a full bowl already ready to go.

"oh christ, you really did mean to get lit." matt laughs.

"aye, no driving tonight boys." harrison laughs along with him.

that makes me blush, indicating we will stay the night here.

fuck, i shouldn't be thinking like that.

"well let's get started."

we sit on the floor of his living room.

”justin?”

“oh, hey! sorry for not saying hi. weed.” 

“enough said. weed really be like that sometimes.” 

i can't seem to remember when a single beer went to 3.

and one hit went to a countless amount. i took so many shots, and i remember laughing as i poor matt and i a rum and coke.

everything started to get fuzzy. and matt became more and more easy to just stare at.

everything seemed to fade except him.

"hey."

matt says, touching my thigh.

"matt i need to talk to you."

i realize how fucked up i really am. by how i sound, and the difficulty it is to form sentences. 

i look around to notice jackson, harrison, and justin are no where to be found.

how did i not even realize they left?

"matt, i'm so so so sorry. like you don't e-even know how sorry i am. i'm so fucking sorry, for being dumb and an asshole. y-you don't deserve any of it. you deserve,"

i press my finger onto his chest,

"the world. you deserve the world, matt. and i'm so fucking sorry."

i realize i'm sort of crying. he places his hand over mine, which is still pressed up against his chest.

"shhh it's okay, ry. it's okay."

he pulls me into a hug. this time, it goes even longer. we somehow manage falling on the carpet, with me on top of him. we giggle. when i pull back, i look at matt for a really long time. he runs his hands through my dark hair.

the only thing that seemed right in that moment was to kiss him. so i did. he makes a noise, and kisses back. it all gets more intense as he grinds onto me.


	6. no homo bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut warning

i don't succeed in not moaning loudly, and cover my mouth with my hand. matt smiles. 

"don't worry, they are upstairs knocked out cold."

i involuntary let out another moan and he caresses every part of my body. this feels so good. so fucking good.

"baby." i say

matt moans at that name.

“yes?" he whimpers.

i grab his soft hair.

“i want you so bad."

matt licks his lips and kisses me again.

“then have me." he whispers into my ear "no, matt. i can't."

matt’s cute face looks confused. he pouts.

"whyyyyy?"

he whines i grab his wrists.

“i'm sorry b-baby. it just doesn't feel right... we both aren't sober, and i want to be clear-minded y'know...our first time. plus what if you don't even want this when you're sober."

i say drunkenly. 

that last part seemed to make matt react badly.

"that's not true! i do want you. even when i'm sober."

"then, let's wait aight?"

matt face gets red when he pushes me off and grabs his jacket.

"where are you going, matt?"

"i need a cigarette."

“but you can barely walk, let me help you."

i stand up grabbing ahold behind him.

"no! i don't need yo-"

he says while tripping. i hold onto him tighter, making his balance more steady. the way he is pressed up right against me makes it nearly impossible to not get hard.

we go to the back porch as he gets a cig. we both sit down on harrison’s chair.

it's surprisingly nice out now, all the snow has melted. that's climate change for you.

"can we share? pleaseeee i'm all out." matt hands me the lit cancer sticc avoiding eye contact.

"please don't be mad at me matttttt"

i lean my head on his chest.

he looks at me with sad eyes and humphs.

"it really made me upset that you think i wouldn't want this. you don't know how long i've needed you." he hiccups

“y-you what?"

"ry, i've had feelings for you for a really fucking long time." he sighs again.

how did i never notice?

"matt."

i let there be a short pause of silence until i drop the cig, sit up, and turn his face towards me and kiss him hard.

we both taste of alcohol.

"i'm sorry." i repeatedly say.

“it's okay."

he bites his lip we kiss again, and start making out as i pull him on my lap once again. matt moans into my mouth.

“you're so fucking hot." i say

he moans again and desperately kisses my neck. he starts biting and sucking.

“you're gonna leave a mark, you know that right?"

matt ignores me and continues to give me hickeys.

i dig my nails into his back until he pulls away.

his face is red and very seductive.

"could y'know..i-i at least give you."

he holds his breath

"a handjob? pleaseeeeeee ryyyy."

god, i'm so horny right now. and all in life i want is a handjob from matt.

my morals get flushed down the drain as i eagerly agree. matt fumbles with my belt. he pulls my pants down revealing my tight black boxers.

"ry." he gasps.

"you look so big. i can't wait to have all of you."

holy shit, he really knows the right words to say. i'm so glad i can see this side of him. i'm so glad this isn't a dream. this is real. i moan and kiss him again. i grab onto his hair as he pulls at my waistband of my boxers. my dick is already covered in pre-cum. i don't think i've ever been more turned on in my life. he moves his thin hand up and down as i moan into his shoulder. he takes his other hand and covers my mouth.

"i want to hear you so badly, but this probably isn't the greatest place to do this shit."

i understand and i don't mind moaning into his hand anyways. i try my best to keep my moans muffled but it's so fucking hard when you have the prettiest and sexiest boy giving you the best handjob of your life.

we end up giving up trying to be quiet and i finally finish, cumming onto his black jeans.

“fuck, i can clean it up or somethin-" "shhh. it's okay, ry."

he presses his index finger on my lips. i notice how hard he is still.

i unbutton his jeans and stroke his member through his underwear. i begin to mouth the fabric, and man i thought i was the loud one. i get on my knees and reveal his cock, springing up and hitting me on the face.

"fuck. sorry."

i can feel myself getting hard again. i've never given a blowjob before but i try my motherfucking hardest for him.

he tugs on my hair, and his legs are quivering.

the fucking the way his moaning sounds against the brisk air, everything is just perfect. i think i hear a moan that doesn't sound like matt’s, but it's so faint i think my brain made it up.

"ryan, i'm gonna cum. please, fuck. you feel so good."

that was his warning if i didn't want to swallow. but jesus christ, i do. i go faster and his grasp on my hair gets stronger. "ryan, ry, ry, aH ry!"

he basically shouts as i get a load in my mouth. i swallow all of it. i'm feeling pretty proud of myself.

i get back up on the chair and he sits on my lap and pulls his arms over my head. he presses his forehead against mine. "that was amazing, ryan."

"i agree, matthew."

he sighs.

"is it bad that i could do it all again right now?"

i lightly giggle in response.

"i could too. everything you do is so hot is makes me hard all over again."

"i mean, we probably shouldn't right? we should probably go to sleep."

"yeah, there's always tomorrow."

we both look at each other. with both of our dicks exposed, going to sleep just doesn't seem like the best option right now.

instead matt gives me a blowjob. his moaning and slight gagging causes the vibrations of his mouth around my dick feel so fucking good. i feel warm and as i'm about to finish, i cum all over his pretty face. i want to remember this forever. i carcasses his face, at this point we are both exhausted.

"we should clean up."

i pull up his pants, and he does the same for me.

we go in the kitchen and i wipe off his face and pants with paper towels. i purposely do this very slowly making it more sensual.

then i kiss him again, and again. he throws his jeans into the laundry and go to sleep in each other's arms. right before we fall asleep, matt says

“no homo" quietly

"no homo bro"

i respond and kiss at his neck. he giggles and pets my hair until he falls asleep.


	7. 7/11 coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut warning 😳

we drive in the dark endlessly. we still have seven hours to go before we're even in south carolina. i drink my gas station coffee, clutching the wheel trying to stay awake. there’s no hotel for miles, so that's out of the question. plus i really just want to get back to our hometown before morning. i feel matt’s slim hand move to my knee. he starts rubbing soft circles as i smile. he gets higher and higher slowly squeezing my thigh. he stares at me with his glistening eyes. he reaches for my member and rubs it with his thumb, while his palm stays steady in place.

"matt," i chuckle weakly.

"i thought you wanted to be there on time."

"i mean we are doing great on time thanks to your speeding, and there's no one on the road right now because we're kind of in the middle of fucking nowhere. you could just, y'know, pull over? only if you want. but both of us are completely sober. and that's what you wanted, right?"

i bite my lip in concentration. there's a moment of silence as i think. that's hard to do that with matt’s soft hands on me. he begins to pull his hand away reluctantly and i grab it, placing it back where it belongs.

"i want to" i breathe out

i notice matt smirking as i pull over to the side of the road.

"we should like, go in the backseat."

he agrees and opens the car door, meeting me there.

he immediately hops in my lap, grinding and breathing heavily.

he moans in my ear.

"god, i want this so bad. thank you for making me wait for this. i want to be completelylevel-headed."

we both grunt as he thrusts on my jeans.

"please," he whines

he places his hands on me.

"i will baby. i want to fuck you so hard."

he licks my neck. the hickeys are still are prominent but that doesn't seem to stop him.

he is basically whimpering at this point.

"you're so desperate aren't you?"

"only for you. i've never wanted someone so fucking much before. don't make me wait anymore." he whines agains

that's enough for me. we shed off our clothes. we are just in our boxers, and with no one around, we can be as loud as we want. which is apparently very goddamn loud. matt is already moaning so much it's almost concerning. almost, mainly just very fucking hot.

"fuck matt, are you usually this loud?"

he grinds harder.

"o-only for you baby." he repeats

"fuck, i don’t know if i have condoms. maybe lube somewhere.” 

i didn't really expect our first time to be in my car.

"it's okay, ry. i trust you, and i want to feel all of you inside me."

both of our faces are so red.

he pulls down my boxers and admirers me.

"you so fucking huge ryan. i-i've never been fucked before."

"don't worry, i'll be gentle. i promise."

"and this can help too-"

i continue and pull out a small bottle of lube i notice which apparently was just chilling in the floorboard of my car.

"i should stretch you out first."

he kisses me softy and nods.

i pour the transparent substance on my fingers and place them inside him. he grips onto my bare back for dear life.

i move my thick fingers inside and out slowly until he gets use to the feeling.

he wants to go faster but i interject,

"baby, we have to take it slow so you don't get hurt."

"i don't care ryan, i've needed this for so long please give me more."

"you say that now, but when you can't walk tomorrow you'll regret it."

"fuck you for caring about me. also that sounds hot."

"we have to see your folks tomorrow. you’re gonna limp everywhere.” 

"but ryan"

"shhhhh, baby just trust me."

"fine. i trust you."

"good." i smile

i continue to go slowly so he doesn't get hurt.

after i while i tell him i'm gonna add another finger.

"fuck, please."

"so needy." i laugh.

"i love that about you."

i get more rough and start to scissor them.

he groans and bites my shoulder blade hard.

it starts bleeding and i wished i cared.

"fuck, i-i'm sorry"

"do it harder." i command

his dick twitches as he licks the blood and bites my flesh much harder. 

he seems more stretched out after a while.

"do you think you're ready?"

me nods through his flushed face.

i remove my fingers, coated in a thin layer of his semen.

i rub my member with lube and line it to his entrance and slowly push inwards.

"you're really fucking tight."

i'm sure my fingers are way different than this.

"ryan."

matt breaths out high pitched. he closes his eyes and furrows his brows.

"i feel so full."

he says when i'm all the way inside him.

"does it hurt? are you okay?"

"it's just a lot. but it doesn't hurt."

i can feel him tighten around me-and god, he already feels so good. but i want to absolutely make sure matt feels comfortable so i wait a while for him to feel adjusted. like he said, i'm sure it's a lot.

"ry."

matt whimpers and opens his eyes.

"yes baby?"

"i-i."

"hm?"

he whispers in my ear.

"i love you, ryan."

"i love you too."

"prove it then, bitch."

i move slightly into him and he bites his lip hard. before i thrust into him, i ask again if he thinks he's ready.

"yes, just go slowly please."

i caress his soft face.

"of course."

i kiss him gently. he kisses back and i move very slightly. his breathing staggers and is heavy. his moans are soft as i pump slowly. he closes his eyes and grips onto me. i wait a long while before i ask him if i should pick up the pace a little bit. he nods again and interlocks his hand with mine. he starts feelings more stretched out as he opens his eyes and starts moaning a little louder.

he holds onto my hand tightly. his moans are still quiet compared to what he usually is. he says it doesn't hurt, but i'm sure it still does, at least kind of.

"how does it feel?"

"i-i don't know. not bad, it's just all so new."

i bite my lip. i gently rub my other hand against his thigh. i squeeze it and kiss him again. i'm not really sure what else i can do to make him feel better. i continue to go the same speed and keep kissing him, that's all i can think of. i mumble against his skin how much i love him between kisses. he lets go of my hand to bring both of his hands to my face.

"i love you too, ryyyy."

we kiss again. i eventually push my tongue into his mouth and he pulls my hair. he finally moans like he usually does in my mouth. i'm super relieved.

he pulls away to tell me i can pick up the speed. seemingly because it doesn't hurt as much anymore. i do as he suggests, and go back to kissing him as well. he scratches down my back like nails against a chalkboard. he moans my name as we're kissing. he pulls his arms tightly around the back of my neck.

"fuck ryan." 

i moan into his mouth. i can’t handle matt saying my name when he’s like this. 

so desperate, and wrecked. 

i start jerking him off making him moan a lot louder.

"please, please."

i kiss him harder and move my hands faster.

"ryan, a-ah. i'm c-close."

i am too. he moans my name again as he ejaculates all over my chest as i cum inside him. he rests his head on my shoulder and breathes heavy. we stay there for a long time, with no words, just me softy rubbing his back.

i finally ask,

"how was it?"

"good...i kind of, want to try it again. y'know, i think it would feel better the second time."

"i agree." 

this time, i place him missionary, and he wraps his legs around my waist. as predicted, the second time is a lot easier and more enjoyable for matt. which, i'm very glad about. we begin similarly, and he is still tight, but not an uncomfortable amount of tight for him anymore.

we go a lot faster and he becomes a moaning mess.

"fuck, RYAN. please please i fucking love you ryan. i love you s-so fucking much."

he says in between moans. this is starting to sound more like him.

it's now getting harder to understand him.

"ryan, ryan."

he clenches his fists against my back. i can tell he's already close. i'm close too.

i moan, trying to show him my best how much i fucking love him.

"you feel so good, matt."

at this point he can barley speak and is only loud moans.

"i c-c, oh fu-, hol i-it. an-any long-."

"me too, baby."

we moan each other's names as we cum together. he cums a lot harder, and i cum inside him. 

he gives me a weak smile.

"i love how your cum feels in me."

i pull out, dripping white residue along with it.

i lay on top of him, petting his hair. he stares at my shoulder with the dried blood.

he kisses the scratch.

"i'm sorry if it hurts."

he is worried about a tiny love bite hurting and not himself. i love this boy.

"don't be sorry, matthew.” i laugh.

"you can do it again anytime you like."

he traces the mark and smiles.

"you're all mine."

"you're all mine too. my boy."

he pulls his arms over my head and kisses me.

"i love you."

"i love you too, matt."


End file.
